I still remember what it felt like to return to work after only finally getting used to being off during the Christmas and New Year break. I also remember how in 2015 in particular, returning to work felt worst than ever. In the previous months I had been meeting and socialising with quite a few people who worked for themselves and did not have a particular fixed daily schedule. I remember really wanting this for me too. To be my own boss and have the flexibility to choose what I did with each day.
On the other side of this, was a feeling of being stuck in the work I was doing. I did not have any skills I could use to start my own business. I already was the manager of a Research Institute and there was no other role I could step up or be promoted to. The only other option was to take a side step and go elsewhere. This too did not feel like a possibility as my job was pretty unique in which I had the freedom to shape it to some of my interests and had quite a lot of independence.
I half hearted applied for another job and didn’t get it and did nothing else.
I went back to work and decided I was going to be positive about it. I remember saying positive affirmations on the way to work, trying to convince myself to feel happy at work again. Affirmations like: ‘I love my job’ and ‘I enjoy working with ...’. Yet, these were no longer true.
I had heard about positive affirmations and I was using them to get myself out of my funk in relation to my job. I thought that if I pretended to enjoy my job I would eventually enjoy it and just be happy.
I would not advice anyone into doing this. For me, it did not work and if anything it only added to my general dissatisfaction. On hindsight, ignoring my truth and trying to transform it, only contributed to the burn out I was to experience at a later date.
I was used to pushing. Myself, my body, push through tiredness, through lack of motivation, push through things that were not going well. Never really stopping to reflect what was happening behind this.
The desire to have a more flexible schedule kept being present. I asked to work from home once a week. At some point I also tried doing compressed hours, where I worked 35 hours in 4 days and had the Friday off but even though I had a manager who was open to explore these options, it was not enough for me.
Still in 2015, sometime in the middle of the year, I read an article someone shared on Facebook. It was an article on ‘finding your passion’. I had been waiting for many years for an amazingly brilliant idea to hit me so that I could be my own boss and start a business. So it surprised me when the author wrote that we do not really need to find our passion and that this is already within us. They suggested we go into our google search history and find out what was the thing we spent most of our time researching and reading on our free time.
I didn’t really need to go on my search history because I knew there was something I have always been interested: sexuality, and at this point in particular I was interested in women’s sexuality. I wanted to talk about sex to younger women openly and break the misconceptions they have on this subject so that they can go about making informed decisions about their bodies and sexuality.
I did some research and the UK does not really have any options or training for Sex Educators, which felt a shame. I found that the closest thing to this type of training was a Psychosexual Therapy training. There was a foundation course which was followed by the actual course after. In the space of around 4 years I could be a trained counsellor in this area. This excited me and as I applied and got accepted for the Foundation Course starting in January 2016, little did I know how this was the start and spark for massive change in my life. And definitely not the end destination either! This was the first spark for one of many changes. I only needed this one to catapult me into other things.
Suddenly, together with other sparks that happened in those two years, the feeling of being stuck started subsiding and I could see different possibilities for the future.
And to where I am now, sitting on a sofa, blanket on my knees, paper, pen, a cup of tea and my inspiration.
A moment to appreciate the fact that I have exactly that flexibility I wished for. Being able to pick and choose what I get to do each day.
I am certainly not where I want to be just yet, but that desire of being able to choose what I do with my day, that has absolutely come true for me. I made it happen.
And this, this making it happen, can happen for you too. Change can happen in your life even when you think that there is no way out and you feel stuck.
Maybe you can inquire within yourself about your different options. Or maybe you need someone like me to help you out with finding what are the right questions for you at this time in your life and guide you to find your answers.
We can start only by exploring your dissatisfaction and see where that takes us and we can go at whatever speed you feel prepared to go.
Or we can identify a clearer path with the help of my intuition, our connection, conscious conversation and a sprinkle of energy healing.
For a FREE 30 minute exploration call with me, just check my availability here and book a time: https://www.pelagiapais.com/booking/
For more of what I write and share, check my blog 'It's not all happiness and coconuts' https://www.pelagiapais.com/blog/
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Happy New Year!