Old me, new me – deep in the process of transformation

Old me, new me – deep in the process of transformation

I have been quiet for what feels like a very long time. This morning, a friend encouraged me to share this part of my process even though I feel a little bit stuck and slightly uncomfortable. There is a lot to share from the last month and a half but I don’t feel ready to share everything just now. All in due time.

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I walk in beauty

I walk in beauty

I was walking back from the seaside, noticing how light and relaxed my body felt when suddenly this line came to my head: ‘I walk in beauty’. It made so much sense and that sentence fitted perfectly with how I felt in that moment.

I felt beautiful because I could sense my body walking following its natural relaxed movement, I felt super soft inside, my legs had a relaxed certainty about them, my arms were dangling in what felt like the perfect movement, I was standing tall without any conscious effort, I had a smile on my face and I felt beautiful.

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Coming up for air

Coming up for air

Since about October last year, I have been feeling that something deep and big is coming up to the surface within me. It is very unpleasant. I have possibly been running away from confronting this thing and it seems that the time feels right now.

The last few weeks, I have felt like I have been stuck in a dark place where the feelings of rejection, being a fraud and intense fear have surrounded me every day. It has been very scary and overwhelming. Affecting the energy in my body, meaning that I have mostly felt depleted and like I have been running on empty.

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Back to work feeling

Back to work feeling

I still remember what it felt like to return to work after only finally getting used to being off during the Christmas and New Year break. I also remember how in 2015 in particular, returning to work felt worst than ever. In the previous months I had been meeting and socialising with quite a few people who worked for themselves and did not have a particular fixed daily schedule. I remember really wanting this for me too. To be my own boss and have the flexibility to choose what I did with each day.

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Invitation to Shine

Invitation to Shine

Out of a very personal experience, I compiled a short playlist which I want to share. Hoping that you find the time in your life to allow yourself to travel within you through the sound of music and connect deeply with yourself.

Time for some self-care and self-healing.

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Glastonbury - The White Spring

Glastonbury - The White Spring

This year I have been to Glastonbury twice. The first time for one day and the second time I stayed for four days. I was going to write about my experience there in one post but then realised that I wanted to go deeper in some of the spaces. Here is my experience of the White Spring.

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Women’s Circle

Women’s Circle

A couple of weeks ago, I got inspired to create a video where I answered some questions about Women’s Circles from my perspective.

Questions like:

- What is a Women’s Circle and what happens in one?

- Why am I creating this Women’s Circle?

- Why should you take the time to come to this Women’s Circle?

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Who am I?

Who am I?

Hello! Welcome to 'It's not all happiness and coconuts'.

This is a longer post but I wanted to give you a bit of a context about who I am and what has been happening in my life in the last couple of years. At the end of the post there is a bit about financial support and it will make sense if you read this all. Hope you enjoy it.

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Outside of the herd

The beginning of 2017 came with a new start of my professional life. For the first time in around 20 some years I was not going back to a 9-5 job. In the first week of January I took some time to take notice to how I would feel not having to go back into work. I wanted to acknowledge the change. It turns out, that on the 3 January I had a doctors examination at 08.15 in the morning and this meant that I actually had to get up early and at a similar time to when I was working. I thought this was funny and slightly ironic. 

As the week progressed, I took pleasure in taking an afternoon nap, just because I could and also I was responding to what my body was asking of me. It felt good. 

Further down the week, I had a dentist appointment in Covent Garden at 08.30 in the morning. This would mean me doing exactly the same route as I would do for getting to my former job. I had to consciously  remember I was not going to work! And then, when I had to come back to Waterloo after my appointment, it all felt slightly surreal. I was walking in the completely opposite direction of everyone else. 

I don't know about you, but some times, I had fantasized getting to Waterloo to get to work and get myself on the next train back so that I could go back to my bed and sleep. It felt indulgent to be able to do such a thing, but it never happened. Walking back over Waterloo Bridge, it felt strange. It felt like I was the only person going in the opposite direction, while everyone else was going back into Central London and to work. I felt I was outside the herd. The 9-5 herd. I was part of this group of people for so long and all of a sudden, in that moment, I felt a bit of an outsider. I was somehow questioning myself:  'Am I valuable member of society if I am not part of the group of people who go to work every day during those fixed hours'. I know I am a valuable member of society, but this moment on the bridge made me suddenly question it. 

When I got to Waterloo Station, things changed. I suddenly was able to make true my desire of going on a train back home so early in the morning and while most people were coming into work. It felt exciting and I had a buzzing feeling in my body. It was a pleasurable experience.