Sharing openly from the heart. Looking Trauma in the eye.
A poem about the pressure of having to be happy for Christmas. How in the past I have had to pretend to be what I thought others expected of me during this season and how this year I am spending Christmas on my own. Not for the first time, but with more intention to be me, in whatever way that may be.
Read MoreThis is a short poem about one of the many aspects of trauma recovery. Noticing things in the body, finding words to name them and describe them.
Read MoreWhen I can’t sleep, sometimes, I write poetry. This is what happens When Sleep Does Not Come.
Read MoreThis is a poem about the physical and emotional pain of remembering trauma from the past. It was written a while after another flashback, in the autumn of 2020. I first had the flashback and a few weeks later my body just went into excruciating pain. The emotional pain of remembering was followed by physical pain.
Read MoreI seem to be missing time at the moment. Like there isn’t enough of it. Like I keep filling it with things that I’m not sure I am supposed to do. Like I have no purpose with my time. Like my time does not belong to me.
I’m sure this is a very relatable feeling. As I’m hitting the keyboard with these words, an idea starts building in my head that maybe the reason why I feel like my time does not belong to me, is exactly because it doesn’t. Because I am filling that time with things I don’t want to do but force myself to do because I feel I ‘need’ to do them.
Read MoreOnline Snapshots versus Reality
I must say, I love all those stories of the successful turning around from nothing to lots. If you are coming here for that, you will be disappointed, there are loads of those all over the internet. This is me, right in the middle of the muddy, messy part of my life, of having my own business and not being successful, yet.
Read MoreThere you go, I can finally say (or write) this in a way that brings no strong reaction or emotion within me. I see it as a simple neutral statement that describes my body. My body is fat. I am fat.
This has not always been like this. Not so long ago, I would have cringed, felt deep shame, denied it, or chosen whatever other words I could think of, that felt more soothing to my self-perception.
Read MoreI started watching ‘A Star is Born’ the other day. I haven’t even finished watching the whole movie and the song ‘Shallow’ keeps coming to my head. I looked at the lyrics and they spoke to me and they spoke to what I offer in my Women’s Empowerment Coaching sessions.
So much so, that here I am writing about this song.
Read MoreI have no idea of what you think of angels, and I didn’t use to think much about them, but it is events like this that make me believe that there are some angels on this earth and Tom was one of them.
This whole conversation took only a couple of minutes, but at the end of it, I had a massive smile on my face and I was so so grateful. I was pulled out of a series of negative and low type of thoughts. I was lifted by this man’s openness and bright spirit.
Read MoreShe beckoned me to her, showed me how my body could easily lean into her and inspired a poem.
Read More‘What about me?’ This question popped into my mind several times in my life.
I am giver. I spent a lifetime giving my love, attention, energy, to work and people. I gave, again and again, and there would be times, when I would somehow stop and ask myself: ‘What about me?’
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This is the first part of a two part post. A before and after account of what has changed in me. How I became aware of the many aspects of being me and what it means in practice to become aware, the transformation and the benefits.
Read MoreA few months ago, a friend of mine got int touch saying ‘You have to listen to this podcast!’ with a link to an episode of the ‘Feel Better, Live More’ episode of Dr. Rangan Chaterjee and Johan Hari on ‘Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression’ link: https://open.spotify.com/episode/55Rq6GthFzVByDXsTR1BUb?si=yWwRKgmJT_OHf5KW4uxJdQ. I must admit that my first reaction was, oh another thing talking about depression, I’m not sure I want to listen to it. Yet, a voice within me and an impulse led me to listen. The conversation went for so long that there are two episodes, and I have now listened to both episodes three times. There is so much interesting content in there, and for me personally, there were a few parts of the conversation that really touched me to the point of tears.
Listening to how there is a lack in listening, connecting in real life and a sense of community. I was moved to take action. An idea started to take shape within me. I wanted to take part in helping others to feel heard. I felt I had limited resources to making this happen in person, and so I put my thinking hat on and started coming up with ideas of how to go about doing this. The idea has had a few shifts and changes but I have for now settled with a name and an idea of how I can make this happen online. As my work is mainly focused on guiding women, I thought it was only natural that I made this offer for women.
Read MoreArt Expression. A moment of inspiration. Drawing as a holistic experience where healing, art and words come together at the same time.
These are the words that came out from the inspiration moment of creating a piece of art that was already hovering in my perception.
Read MoreAt the beginning of the year I spent a couple of months back in Portugal, where I come from. During that time a lot happened. It was intense and there has been a memory from the past, that keeps wanting to be released and shared here. During this particular time in Portugal, this desire to share that story was intensified, to a point where it felt suffocating not to and there was an intense urgency for doing it. Eventually the urgency disappeared and now I am just waiting for a time that feels right, inside of me.
I wrote something about that memory. I will be sharing it soon. For now, I want to share a poem I wrote about how that agony felt inside of me then and in a much lower intensity, is still felt now.
Read MoreI was walking back from the seaside, noticing how light and relaxed my body felt when suddenly this line came to my head: ‘I walk in beauty’. It made so much sense and that sentence fitted perfectly with how I felt in that moment.
I felt beautiful because I could sense my body walking following its natural relaxed movement, I felt super soft inside, my legs had a relaxed certainty about them, my arms were dangling in what felt like the perfect movement, I was standing tall without any conscious effort, I had a smile on my face and I felt beautiful.
Read MoreSince about October last year, I have been feeling that something deep and big is coming up to the surface within me. It is very unpleasant. I have possibly been running away from confronting this thing and it seems that the time feels right now.
The last few weeks, I have felt like I have been stuck in a dark place where the feelings of rejection, being a fraud and intense fear have surrounded me every day. It has been very scary and overwhelming. Affecting the energy in my body, meaning that I have mostly felt depleted and like I have been running on empty.
Read MoreI still remember what it felt like to return to work after only finally getting used to being off during the Christmas and New Year break. I also remember how in 2015 in particular, returning to work felt worst than ever. In the previous months I had been meeting and socialising with quite a few people who worked for themselves and did not have a particular fixed daily schedule. I remember really wanting this for me too. To be my own boss and have the flexibility to choose what I did with each day.
Read MoreI had prepared a nice graphic with the 'normal' and expected Merry Christmas and Happy New Year message and was about to write something but nothing felt honest and authentic within me. So here is what came up…
Read MoreThe first two chapters of this story were inspired by a dream a friend of mine shared with me. The dream had a specific meaning for her. When I heard it I heard something else and all of a sudden this story started to unfold in my head.
Read MoreMaking public my theory or sensing on subjects like the one on my last post, is quite the nerve wrecking experience. I notice that I have been shying away from publishing anything like this, unless it comes from a very particular personal experience.
I have a fear of saying something controversial. I have a fear of saying something wrong. I have a fear of being judged as fluffy and without depth. I have a fear of people attacking my view. I have a fear of confrontation online and in person.
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