Sharing openly from the heart. Looking Trauma in the eye.
A poem about the pressure of having to be happy for Christmas. How in the past I have had to pretend to be what I thought others expected of me during this season and how this year I am spending Christmas on my own. Not for the first time, but with more intention to be me, in whatever way that may be.
Read MoreI have no idea of what you think of angels, and I didn’t use to think much about them, but it is events like this that make me believe that there are some angels on this earth and Tom was one of them.
This whole conversation took only a couple of minutes, but at the end of it, I had a massive smile on my face and I was so so grateful. I was pulled out of a series of negative and low type of thoughts. I was lifted by this man’s openness and bright spirit.
Read MoreShe beckoned me to her, showed me how my body could easily lean into her and inspired a poem.
Read MoreSome months, on the first day of my period, just like today, all I feel like doing is this:
Recline
Read a book
Watch something light on TV
Knit
Listen to an audiobook
Nap
Read MoreI was walking back from the seaside, noticing how light and relaxed my body felt when suddenly this line came to my head: ‘I walk in beauty’. It made so much sense and that sentence fitted perfectly with how I felt in that moment.
I felt beautiful because I could sense my body walking following its natural relaxed movement, I felt super soft inside, my legs had a relaxed certainty about them, my arms were dangling in what felt like the perfect movement, I was standing tall without any conscious effort, I had a smile on my face and I felt beautiful.
Read MoreI still remember what it felt like to return to work after only finally getting used to being off during the Christmas and New Year break. I also remember how in 2015 in particular, returning to work felt worst than ever. In the previous months I had been meeting and socialising with quite a few people who worked for themselves and did not have a particular fixed daily schedule. I remember really wanting this for me too. To be my own boss and have the flexibility to choose what I did with each day.
Read MoreI feel that this has been coming together for some time. Back in July, I received a clear message that I must write more, that I must share my ‘voice’.
I started writing more social media posts, exploring expressing myself and what I was experiencing with the written word.
The message to write and share my ‘voice’ continued to show up in many ways in the months after. I carried on writing.
Read MoreIn this short post, I share a series of podcasts that have been filling my cup recently. I wanted you to also have access to them in the hope they may come to you in the same way they came to me and bring you what they are bringing me.
Who is inspiring you at the moment?
Read MoreI would now like to talk about support. A few weeks back I wrote a post ‘Who am I’ (https://www.pelagiapais.com/blog/2018/9/12/who-am-i) telling my story so far. It is a long post and right at the end I added this bit that follows. It feels really vulnerable to ask for support and I have a fear of being judged for this, but I feel it is time to ask for support following my dream, because I do not have to do this on my own.
Read MoreThese are some of the words and phrases that have come up in my life in moments where I needed them the most. Maybe you will find them helpful.
Do you have any words or favourite quotes?
The other day I noticed something in my body. As I was walking, I noticed that my hand was closed and my thumb was tucked in with my fingers holding it safe. The first time I noticed and realised the reason for walking with this hand position was back in 2016 and I realised, through a series of events, self-enquiry and what was happening then, that this meant I was feeling anxious. To notice my body doing this again after a few years of not doing it, raised alarm bells for me. What part of me was feeling anxious and why was I not aware of it?...
Read MoreYesterday, a friend of mine sent me a blog post entitled: 'The Myth of the 'Too-Much' Woman' by Sophie Bashford. You can read it yourself here: https://www.sophiebashford.com/new-blog/2017/7/4/the-myth-of-the-too-much-woman.
My response to my friend was: 'Sooo good! It was like a salve reading it.' It felt that I was reading these words at exactly the right time for me and I feel that what I share next, is a direct result of the words from the blog post as well as the discussion I had with a male friend on this same topic...
Read MoreThis year I have been to Glastonbury twice. The first time for one day and the second time I stayed for four days. I was going to write about my experience there in one post but then realised that I wanted to go deeper in some of the spaces. Here is my experience of the White Spring.
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During the last two weeks of September, I went on a pilgrimage with a friend of mine from Germany. When we travel together there is always lots of healing and we seem to be called to places that spark that healing.
This is one of a few reflective pieces of the experience:
Next to where I stayed, near Sidmouth, Devon, there were some woods and one morning I decided to go for a walk on my own. We had been shown the walk a few days before and I was confident I could find my way around.
Read MoreHello! Welcome to 'It's not all happiness and coconuts'.
This is a longer post but I wanted to give you a bit of a context about who I am and what has been happening in my life in the last couple of years. At the end of the post there is a bit about financial support and it will make sense if you read this all. Hope you enjoy it.
Read MoreHere I am with my fellow events organiser extraordinaire, @charlotteeagill, in front of 600 delegates from all over the world. I was to do the organisational announcements for the Congress and also to emphasise that an event of this complexity and size had many helpers and much work involved.
I remember feeling very calm even though I had never spoken in front of so many people and definitely not on the stage of such a world famous theatre company. This was only one of many transformational steps I took in 2016.
Read More‘I am here to heal the feminine’
This was a part of what came up for me this weekend when I participated in a workshop with the title: Magdalena: Mother, Teacher, Whore, lead beautifully and vulnerably by Winter Jade Icely @the_sexwitch.
When I uttered these words out loud, surrounded by a group of women, my body felt full of electricity. I felt the truth in these words deep in my whole being.
Read MoreRecently I have noticed that quite a few people will smile at me when I'm out and about. Today, as I left the house to meet with a friend, I was crossing a pedestrian bridge near where I live, and once again, it happened. This young girl looked at me and smiled. I smiled back, of course, but this time I took notice and started thinking about all these strangers who recently have randomly smiled at me. After all, this is London, one of the biggest cities in the world, I don't really expect a lot of friendliness.
I wondered if it was because I was out in the middle of the morning, instead of the rush hour. Are people that are out and about outside of rush hours a bit more friendly? It's plausible. I certainly feel much happier these days when my day is not governed by a strict 9-5.
Could it be that because I am happier, more relaxed and walking a lot slower than I have ever done, I now have time to notice people and they notice me more? Or could it be that I emanate more of this contentment?
I still don't know the answer to it and I will continue smiling to strangers in this big city and will be grateful when I get a smile back.
Life is not all smiles, contentment and happy thoughts, but when these do happen, it makes a difference.
What have you not been noticing? Do you ever smile at strangers?
