Beauty Is Everywhere
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The words for this poem came to me when I looked at these decaying flowers.
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I Do Not Have To Be Happy for Christmas
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A poem about the pressure of having to be happy for Christmas. How in the past I have had to pretend to be what I thought others expected of me during this season and how this year I am spending Christmas on my own. Not for the first time, but with more intention to be me, in whatever way that may be.
Read MoreThe Smell of 'Being Dirty' and Shame
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This is a short poem about one of the many aspects of trauma recovery. Noticing things in the body, finding words to name them and describe them.
Read MoreWhen Sleep Does Not Come
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When I can’t sleep, sometimes, I write poetry. This is what happens When Sleep Does Not Come.
Read MorePain Is My Companion
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This is a poem about the physical and emotional pain of remembering trauma from the past. It was written a while after another flashback, in the autumn of 2020. I first had the flashback and a few weeks later my body just went into excruciating pain. The emotional pain of remembering was followed by physical pain.
Read MoreWriting through pain and committing to presence
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At the end of last year, I made a few commitments with myself. One of them, was to write on my book every day of the month of January. The other one, also relevant to the month of January, was to show up on video (full body) every day for 21 days to guide others through the Morning Star Practice.
These two commitments were made at different times. The challenge I thought of back in November. The commitment to write ever day on my book was literally just before the festive season.
Read More'Failing at Life' on failure and perspective
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As I went through another deep dive into myself this October and November, I very easily forget about my past and I feel incredibly disappointed and frustrated that I have not gotten to where I thought I would be by now, in particular in my business and in providing myself financial stability.
And the word failure surfaces again, and again. In fact, this year, I have done so many things that I labelled as failure when in fact, they have mostly been ways into giving myself some time and support that I need in my day to day life.
Read MoreTime
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I seem to be missing time at the moment. Like there isn’t enough of it. Like I keep filling it with things that I’m not sure I am supposed to do. Like I have no purpose with my time. Like my time does not belong to me.
I’m sure this is a very relatable feeling. As I’m hitting the keyboard with these words, an idea starts building in my head that maybe the reason why I feel like my time does not belong to me, is exactly because it doesn’t. Because I am filling that time with things I don’t want to do but force myself to do because I feel I ‘need’ to do them.
Read MoreI was born to be a mother
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This piece came to me this morning. It started with the title. Once sentence. I felt the calling to come and sit down and just start writing. I had no clear idea of what was going to come next, although I had a vague idea. This thought and sentence has been present in my life in different levels of intensity and awareness.
It feels a little bit uncomfortable to publish it, yet, the calling to do it, is here and I feel I must abide. One deep breath, and I press ‘publish’.
Read MoreMud, Sweat & Fear: The Journey to Braveheart
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Online Snapshots versus Reality
I must say, I love all those stories of the successful turning around from nothing to lots. If you are coming here for that, you will be disappointed, there are loads of those all over the internet. This is me, right in the middle of the muddy, messy part of my life, of having my own business and not being successful, yet.
Read MoreA smile, a word - How to Make a Difference
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I have no idea of what you think of angels, and I didn’t use to think much about them, but it is events like this that make me believe that there are some angels on this earth and Tom was one of them.
This whole conversation took only a couple of minutes, but at the end of it, I had a massive smile on my face and I was so so grateful. I was pulled out of a series of negative and low type of thoughts. I was lifted by this man’s openness and bright spirit.
Read MoreShe held me in her arms
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She beckoned me to her, showed me how my body could easily lean into her and inspired a poem.
Read More'What about me?' The Before - part I
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‘What about me?’ This question popped into my mind several times in my life.
I am giver. I spent a lifetime giving my love, attention, energy, to work and people. I gave, again and again, and there would be times, when I would somehow stop and ask myself: ‘What about me?’
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This is the first part of a two part post. A before and after account of what has changed in me. How I became aware of the many aspects of being me and what it means in practice to become aware, the transformation and the benefits.
Read MoreAgony
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At the beginning of the year I spent a couple of months back in Portugal, where I come from. During that time a lot happened. It was intense and there has been a memory from the past, that keeps wanting to be released and shared here. During this particular time in Portugal, this desire to share that story was intensified, to a point where it felt suffocating not to and there was an intense urgency for doing it. Eventually the urgency disappeared and now I am just waiting for a time that feels right, inside of me.
I wrote something about that memory. I will be sharing it soon. For now, I want to share a poem I wrote about how that agony felt inside of me then and in a much lower intensity, is still felt now.
Read MoreOld me, new me – deep in the process of transformation
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I have been quiet for what feels like a very long time. This morning, a friend encouraged me to share this part of my process even though I feel a little bit stuck and slightly uncomfortable. There is a lot to share from the last month and a half but I don’t feel ready to share everything just now. All in due time.
Read MoreI walk in beauty
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I was walking back from the seaside, noticing how light and relaxed my body felt when suddenly this line came to my head: ‘I walk in beauty’. It made so much sense and that sentence fitted perfectly with how I felt in that moment.
I felt beautiful because I could sense my body walking following its natural relaxed movement, I felt super soft inside, my legs had a relaxed certainty about them, my arms were dangling in what felt like the perfect movement, I was standing tall without any conscious effort, I had a smile on my face and I felt beautiful.
Read MoreComing up for air
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Since about October last year, I have been feeling that something deep and big is coming up to the surface within me. It is very unpleasant. I have possibly been running away from confronting this thing and it seems that the time feels right now.
The last few weeks, I have felt like I have been stuck in a dark place where the feelings of rejection, being a fraud and intense fear have surrounded me every day. It has been very scary and overwhelming. Affecting the energy in my body, meaning that I have mostly felt depleted and like I have been running on empty.
Read MoreBack to work feeling
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I still remember what it felt like to return to work after only finally getting used to being off during the Christmas and New Year break. I also remember how in 2015 in particular, returning to work felt worst than ever. In the previous months I had been meeting and socialising with quite a few people who worked for themselves and did not have a particular fixed daily schedule. I remember really wanting this for me too. To be my own boss and have the flexibility to choose what I did with each day.
Read MoreSeason Greetings
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I had prepared a nice graphic with the 'normal' and expected Merry Christmas and Happy New Year message and was about to write something but nothing felt honest and authentic within me. So here is what came up…
Read MoreHe - Masculine | She - Feminine
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The first two chapters of this story were inspired by a dream a friend of mine shared with me. The dream had a specific meaning for her. When I heard it I heard something else and all of a sudden this story started to unfold in my head.
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