Agony

Agony

At the beginning of the year I spent a couple of months back in Portugal, where I come from. During that time a lot happened. It was intense and there has been a memory from the past, that keeps wanting to be released and shared here. During this particular time in Portugal, this desire to share that story was intensified, to a point where it felt suffocating not to and there was an intense urgency for doing it. Eventually the urgency disappeared and now I am just waiting for a time that feels right, inside of me.

I wrote something about that memory. I will be sharing it soon. For now, I want to share a poem I wrote about how that agony felt inside of me then and in a much lower intensity, is still felt now.

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Back to work feeling

Back to work feeling

I still remember what it felt like to return to work after only finally getting used to being off during the Christmas and New Year break. I also remember how in 2015 in particular, returning to work felt worst than ever. In the previous months I had been meeting and socialising with quite a few people who worked for themselves and did not have a particular fixed daily schedule. I remember really wanting this for me too. To be my own boss and have the flexibility to choose what I did with each day.

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Invitation to Shine

Invitation to Shine

Out of a very personal experience, I compiled a short playlist which I want to share. Hoping that you find the time in your life to allow yourself to travel within you through the sound of music and connect deeply with yourself.

Time for some self-care and self-healing.

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Looking for support

Looking for support

I would now like to talk about support. A few weeks back I wrote a post ‘Who am I’ (https://www.pelagiapais.com/blog/2018/9/12/who-am-i) telling my story so far. It is a long post and right at the end I added this bit that follows. It feels really vulnerable to ask for support and I have a fear of being judged for this, but I feel it is time to ask for support following my dream, because I do not have to do this on my own.

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Women’s Circle

Women’s Circle

A couple of weeks ago, I got inspired to create a video where I answered some questions about Women’s Circles from my perspective.

Questions like:

- What is a Women’s Circle and what happens in one?

- Why am I creating this Women’s Circle?

- Why should you take the time to come to this Women’s Circle?

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Inspired and relieved

Inspired and relieved

Every single soul purpose stated is a piece of who I am, and a piece of every single woman in the room and the world. We are all of those: healers, warriors, shadow hunters, galactic mothers, connectors to the ancestors, witches, truth tellers, bridges between worlds and much more.

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I am here to heal the feminine

I am here to heal the feminine

‘I am here to heal the feminine’

This was a part of what came up for me this weekend when I participated in a workshop with the title: Magdalena: Mother, Teacher, Whore, lead beautifully and vulnerably by Winter Jade Icely @the_sexwitch.

When I uttered these words out loud, surrounded by a group of women, my body felt full of electricity. I felt the truth in these words deep in my whole being.

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1 month left

Today is the 15 October and it is exactly a month to the date of my return to London. As I continue to experience the amazing transformation and healing that the island of Koh Phangan is still offering me, I look back and see more clearly the different experiences and stages of my stay here. It all makes sense, it all seems to lead to the present moment in full perfection. In the last month, things have started accelerating considerably and my transformation is coming faster and faster. It is an internal process of growth with insights and many many realisations of how I have been living my life, what has been limiting me and learning to free myself from these limitations. Setting myself free. I trust that this last month I will learn to integrate these changes in myself and more continue to happen with ease and comfort. 

I have a couple of art projects starting this week and I am super excited about painting more walls and allowing my creativity to express itself fully in these works. I am hoping to show you their progress in the coming weeks and tell you a bit more of the story behind these.

Last week I finally went to visit the east side of the island. I realise that I have not really been much of a tourist here and there is so much I have not done, but I trust, once more, that I will have the opportunity to come back and have the space to fully explore the natural beauty of this place. 

London has been present in me, as the place I normally call home. I have no clue if it will feel like home in the same way, but am open to exploring how it will feel to be back. Moving from one of the biggest cities on the planet to a small village on an island in South East Asia, has been quite an experience.

I will be in London for 1 month (15 November until 15 December) and look forward to having the opportunity to share my Art Expression Workshop with anyone who would like to. If you would like to host a group session at your place, let me know.
I will also be giving my Intuitive Healing sessions which are now inspired in lots of the experiences of healing I have had on the island. If this has made you curious, get in touch and let's book a session and explore how I can support you. 

Look forward to my return but I also want to still be very present with all that is still to happen for my last month here. 

 

Letting go

For the month of February in particular, the theme for me was 'letting go'. Back in the beginning of December 2016, I realised that I needed time for myself, to recover, heal and do lots of self-care. It would be too stressful for me to just jump from a full time job, and into a launching a business almost from scratch and living in London. The financial pressure would be too much. I handed in my notice for my flat at the end of December 2016 and during January and February 2017 I focused on letting go.

What did I let go of? A lifestyle; things, lots of things, I all of a sudden realised, I was quite attached to; my nest for the last three and a half years, the place that gave me quietness, solace and recovery time from living in a busy city; the same nest, which also allowed me to express myself creatively, both through my body with dance and the making of art. 
It was interesting to notice how attached I was to a bedside table, it was somehow hard to let it go. I observed my feelings about it, surprised as to how much an object as banal as that could mean to me. And still, I let it go. That, and much more.
During these two months I started selling first the smaller things and then the bigger things. I managed to keep the flat livable until the last week of February and then all of a sudden, the place started getting truly empty. By the end of the month, I no longer struggled with letting go as actively, although some things still brought a twitch to my heart when letting them go. 

Today, as I write this in my borrowed space for the next two weeks, I feel relief for having gotten rid of the flat and its contents. The flat because it was a financial burden, my things because they too had started feeling like a burden. My life contents resume themselves to a few suitcases and bags. It feels both liberating and gut wrenching letting go of control and allow more fluidity in how I live my life. The tickets to South East Asia have been bought an now a new adventure begins.