Sharing openly from the heart. Looking Trauma in the eye.
Online Snapshots versus Reality
I must say, I love all those stories of the successful turning around from nothing to lots. If you are coming here for that, you will be disappointed, there are loads of those all over the internet. This is me, right in the middle of the muddy, messy part of my life, of having my own business and not being successful, yet.
Read MoreI started watching ‘A Star is Born’ the other day. I haven’t even finished watching the whole movie and the song ‘Shallow’ keeps coming to my head. I looked at the lyrics and they spoke to me and they spoke to what I offer in my Women’s Empowerment Coaching sessions.
So much so, that here I am writing about this song.
Read MoreArt Expression. A moment of inspiration. Drawing as a holistic experience where healing, art and words come together at the same time.
These are the words that came out from the inspiration moment of creating a piece of art that was already hovering in my perception.
Read More‘Being a Scientist of the Self, means that you take a separate role within yourself and become an observer of your own living experience. After all, you are the most absolute expert at being you. No one else has a clue of what it truly means to be you. You do you in a way that no one else can.’ Pelagia Pais
This piece is an example of how I use this concept for my own self-inquiry and growth. The better I know myself, what motivates my actions and reactions in daily life, the easier it gets for me and for those around me, ultimately, having a bigger impact through ripples into the bigger world.
Read MoreThe following text is a post on my experience of remembering trauma and I share something that feels very sensitive. The path for me to actually press the publish button, has felt long and painful. The more I felt the push to publish, the more fears came up, the fear is still here, right now, as I write, and I am still going to press the publish button.
The push eventually subsided and now I have a sense that these words need to be said so that I can carry on exploring my authentic self in all it’s colours, variations and emotions. It feels like I can no longer write about anything without sharing this first.
Read MoreAt the beginning of the year I spent a couple of months back in Portugal, where I come from. During that time a lot happened. It was intense and there has been a memory from the past, that keeps wanting to be released and shared here. During this particular time in Portugal, this desire to share that story was intensified, to a point where it felt suffocating not to and there was an intense urgency for doing it. Eventually the urgency disappeared and now I am just waiting for a time that feels right, inside of me.
I wrote something about that memory. I will be sharing it soon. For now, I want to share a poem I wrote about how that agony felt inside of me then and in a much lower intensity, is still felt now.
Read MoreSince about October last year, I have been feeling that something deep and big is coming up to the surface within me. It is very unpleasant. I have possibly been running away from confronting this thing and it seems that the time feels right now.
The last few weeks, I have felt like I have been stuck in a dark place where the feelings of rejection, being a fraud and intense fear have surrounded me every day. It has been very scary and overwhelming. Affecting the energy in my body, meaning that I have mostly felt depleted and like I have been running on empty.
Read MoreI still remember what it felt like to return to work after only finally getting used to being off during the Christmas and New Year break. I also remember how in 2015 in particular, returning to work felt worst than ever. In the previous months I had been meeting and socialising with quite a few people who worked for themselves and did not have a particular fixed daily schedule. I remember really wanting this for me too. To be my own boss and have the flexibility to choose what I did with each day.
Read MoreThe first two chapters of this story were inspired by a dream a friend of mine shared with me. The dream had a specific meaning for her. When I heard it I heard something else and all of a sudden this story started to unfold in my head.
Read MoreMaking public my theory or sensing on subjects like the one on my last post, is quite the nerve wrecking experience. I notice that I have been shying away from publishing anything like this, unless it comes from a very particular personal experience.
I have a fear of saying something controversial. I have a fear of saying something wrong. I have a fear of being judged as fluffy and without depth. I have a fear of people attacking my view. I have a fear of confrontation online and in person.
Read MoreAt the beginning of November I attended a Vipassana Meditation 10 day Silent Retreat. I have made a video where I share about my experience. Hope you enjoy it!
Read MoreThese are some of the words and phrases that have come up in my life in moments where I needed them the most. Maybe you will find them helpful.
Do you have any words or favourite quotes?
The other day I noticed something in my body. As I was walking, I noticed that my hand was closed and my thumb was tucked in with my fingers holding it safe. The first time I noticed and realised the reason for walking with this hand position was back in 2016 and I realised, through a series of events, self-enquiry and what was happening then, that this meant I was feeling anxious. To notice my body doing this again after a few years of not doing it, raised alarm bells for me. What part of me was feeling anxious and why was I not aware of it?...
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During the last two weeks of September, I went on a pilgrimage with a friend of mine from Germany. When we travel together there is always lots of healing and we seem to be called to places that spark that healing.
This is one of a few reflective pieces of the experience:
Next to where I stayed, near Sidmouth, Devon, there were some woods and one morning I decided to go for a walk on my own. We had been shown the walk a few days before and I was confident I could find my way around.
Read MoreHello! Welcome to 'It's not all happiness and coconuts'.
This is a longer post but I wanted to give you a bit of a context about who I am and what has been happening in my life in the last couple of years. At the end of the post there is a bit about financial support and it will make sense if you read this all. Hope you enjoy it.
Read MoreEven though I have read about this many times, I have recently came to the realisation of how much I keep postponing in my life.
I have been focused on self love and care for quite some time and it has been a continuous journey and practice. I feel like I have come a long way yet, there is more to do. In particular when it comes to loving my body
Read MoreHere I am with my fellow events organiser extraordinaire, @charlotteeagill, in front of 600 delegates from all over the world. I was to do the organisational announcements for the Congress and also to emphasise that an event of this complexity and size had many helpers and much work involved.
I remember feeling very calm even though I had never spoken in front of so many people and definitely not on the stage of such a world famous theatre company. This was only one of many transformational steps I took in 2016.
Read MoreI used to get very annoyed at all those memes about forgiveness and the idea they seemed to put forward that forgiveness is important in order to move on in your life, that if you continue to hold on to the hurt, you won't be able to move on, and I can see how this is true, yet, what really annoyed me was that I felt that there was a sort promise implied that everything would be ok once you forgave. It would be a happy ever after sort of life.
Read MoreHow many times, as a woman, have you had to physically, and probably energetically, try to shrink yourself to fit? How many times did you dim yourself, so someone could feel better about themselves?
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The year started with me only having organised accommodation back in London for the first two weeks. After that, I did not know what would happen in terms of accommodation, but I was going to try and live in London rent free for as long as I could…
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