How much are you carrying with you?

As usual, the inspiration to write these posts comes either after something happening or following a conversation with a friend, this one is no different. 

I was speaking to a friend one evening this week and she mentioned Ho'oponopono and how the books she had lent someone had come back to her and how it was great to be reminded of this tool of release and forgiveness. She had forgotten how powerful these words could be and was starting to use it again in her life. This conversation brought up a memory.

Last year, right at the beginning of my stay in Thailand, I felt called to do an online course. One of the parts of the course was to do a 'forgiveness exercise'. I remember feeling reluctant to do so, as I was not very keen on forgiving a certain person in my life, but went ahead anyway. I now understand that what was used was indeed Ho'oponopono.
At the time, I remember writing down a list of all the memories and things that had ahppened to me and were still coming up regularly to my mind or things I had done myself that I felt ashamed, guilty or embarrassed about. The list was long. I kept writing for days and adding more and more to it. Until at some point, I felt that I had nothing else to add to the list. The second part of the exercise, was to sit in a quiet place where I would not be interrupted and do the following: read one sentence at a time and say the following after each one: 'I'm sorry; Please forgive me; I love you; Thank you.' Doing it from a place of being present to all things I listed, as well as the words of asking for forgiveness. At that time, this exercise was amazing and really released and let go of so much stuff that I felt, had been clogging up my brain space. Those memories never came back into my mind again, since that time. 

Yesterday, while looking at instagram, someone else was talking about how they use Ho'oponopono in their life, not only for themselves but as a family. For me, it was another reminder and some sort of message. I currently pay attention to these messages and this morning, instead of journaling, I started writing a list.

I already filled 4 pages of A4 paper and I guess more may come, although I think I have put quite a lot that may be enough for now.
What surprised me, was that the majority of things that came up were about me. I have a few things about memories that involve others, but the majority is all about feeling guilty about doing something or not doing something; of being too much or of not being enough. These are undercurrents in my life and journey and I am familiar with them. Yet, as I wrote all of these down, I already felt a sense of relief. A sense of unburdening myself of a heavy load. It already feels great and it inspired me to sit at my laptop and write these words.
I had no idea that all of these ideas of myself had been taking so much space, and the proof is indeed in how I felt after writing them down. Some of them brought tears to my eyes and this is more proof of how much they have been affecting me.

The next step will be to finish the exercise and find time to read all of these out loud and say after each and everyone of them 'I'm sorry; Please forgive me; I love you; Thank you'.  I look forward to sensing into how I feel as I do this exercise as well as after. I have a feeling, that this is exactly what I need to be doing right now.

The course I started back in April 2017, I never finished. Ha!

Thank you Ella and Jen, for being you, for sharing and for the ripples you create around you.

How about you? Do you think that there is a list within you of memories that need to be released? Are there memories that keep coming up at certain times in your life? If you do try the exercise out, I would love to know how it went for you.

Love to all,